Burro fossil found in State Park

      A discovery in the Big Bend State Park has drawn some recent attention. A Large Donkey fossil was found near the banks of the Rio Grande. Scientists are baffled at this find, due to the current theory that donkeys and burros are not native species. This may be due to the fact that when early settlers came to Old Mexico, no burros resided in the area. But before man arrived in the area, the existence of the species may have been possible. Don't tell that to a Ranger who is on the hunt for those 'pesky buwwows'.

      In an undisclosed location somewhere in the Big Bend area, a man has been collecting penny's for 50 years. Thursday, his collection reached his one millionth penny. One of our Big Bend Inquirer reporters were given exclusive access to this copper stash.  The value of a penny is nearly twice to three times is face value due to the price of copper, so this Scrooge McDuck like pile is worth a Precious Penny. When asked, Owner and collector commented that, "No, he did not swim in his collection".

Where's Waldo found in Alpine

     After being spotted in many children's books, Waldo has finally been found in Alpine. This stripped shirted traveler has visited many places in his long career, and has made the hills of southwest Texas his home. After completing a few courses in Sul Ross University, Waldo plans on working on his small start up company, 'FindMe' clothing line.

      A deaf, dumb, and blind man has been bathing in the Hot Springs in the national park. Frank Annes had never laid eyes on water, or heard the sound of a river, but that all changed recently when his ailments disappeared overnight! Doctors have cleared him and now Mr Annes swims daily in the Rio Grande along with the sights and sounds that accompany the mighty river. Two cases of depression have also recently been cured at the springs.

      A few swimmers in the Santa Elena Canyon were startled yesterday when a 12ft shark was spotted.  A woman started yelling 'shark!' and most of people exited the water. Two Hungarian couples remained due to the misinterpretation of the word shark. "In Hungary, we say 'sherk, sherk!' when we have to go to the bathroom. I thought the lady just had an accident."  

Man comes out of ground after 47 years

      After 47 years in his underground bunker, a Terlingua man finally comes out. In 1965, Jerry Wise buried a shipping container and made it his home. His food rations took up most of the space, although Mr Wise had just enough room for his pet turtle, Fredrick. Until recently, both were doing just fine. Then suddenly the pair came down with a bad case of the sniffles. Being a life long member of the S.P.C.A., Mr. Wise disregarded his own safety, and risked possible nuclear fallout exposure to insure Fredrick's continued good health.

     

       Guinness came to Alpine yesterday after hearing of Clint McMurrys attempt to break the world record for longest bull ride. His record breaking ride lasted 6 hours, 46 minutes, and 8 seconds. Clint was quoted saying ," Dang!!! That was fun!!!! My butt hurts..." Mr. McMurry also holds the world record for skydiving with the most chickens and the fastest oil change on a John Deere.

Gang of Mexican midgets cause bar fight in Presidio

      With crime on the rise along the border, a startling incident at the Iron Horse Bar and Tavern in Presidio adds to local fears. A Mexican gang of midgets, named Los Minis, stormed into the the bar and proceeded to fight amongst themselves. After several minutes of complete chaos, the police were finally called. 7 men were arrested and put in the back of one large police car. Although it was a tight fit, Officer Pittman stated " this limits the risk of escape".

      A recent new resident has turned heads in Marathon. A family of Budweiser Clydesdales has retired downtown. These majestic horses have done things most humans would only dream. Honors include leading a Super Bowl halftime event, a 15 year TV commercial career,  and actually pulling a sled full of beer from St Louis, Mo, to NYC on New Years for the ball drop. The Clydesdale's join the Famous frogs, long time Marathon retirees Bud, Weis, and Er.

U.F.O. spotted observing the Observatory

      A sighting of an unidentified flying object was reported last Thursday in the Ft Davis area. Witnesses first spotted the UFO above the observatory. Apparently the craft was shining a large blue colored light on the building. Astronomer William Spartan said " we think we are alone, but I've seen things...". After observing the observatory, the spaceship was reported to be attempting to tip cows.

      Rumors of secret shows in Marfa seem not so secret anymore. This morning on NBC's the Today show, The Beatles announced their 5th reunion tour. Their starting venue has been confirmed to be Marfa Tx.  Although, tickets have not gone on sale and the actual location in Marfa has not been pinpointed. Some say, "... but Marfa is so small and so far away from anything...". In fact there isn't even a Starbucks. Also, the exact number of band members attending is questionable, due to some aren't alive and a few might be busy...

      Details are still not being released after 2 men were arrested in a theft at a local grocery store. All that is known is that 6 bananas and a Lionel Richie CD were taken from 'The Food Store'. All electronic items of value and some rare CD's are fitted with theft devices.The Lionel Richie CD was a import of a live event in China. Total value of the theft was over 200 dollars, making this a felony. No information on what the bananas were to be used for.

Cat has 10 lives!

      If you ask any random Marfan, they all say there is something special about their little town. Now a local stray cat has been found to posses 10 lives. The cat usually hangs out behind the deli, but has been spotted half way to alpine. No one knows if the fuzzy little feline has more in her. It wasn't thought a cat could have more than 9 lives, but this kitty has proved that theory to be incorrect.

      Scientists and a few biologists have confirmed a new species has been found. Hen Egg Mountain rises from the desert floor, off the side of Highway 118 north of  Terlingua. A wild chicken, now named 'terlingus fowlis' or chicken hen as its common name, is only found at the top of the mountain. No one can explain this, yet a similar species was also recently found at the top of Santiago Peak. Biologist Sandy Grey said,"the eggs seem to have no need to be salted".

5-Story Mcdonalds planned for Alpine

     The Alpine McDonalds is a true landmark and soon it will be visible for miles around. Plans have been approved for the remodeling of this iconic burger joint. A four story addition will be added to the existing level, making it the tallest Micky D's in Texas, and third tallest in the U.S. The slide in the famous Play-place will descend from the fifth floor into the parking lot. A two story Ronald McDonald is still being debated by the cities Building dept.

     The Famous Starlight Theater in the Terlingua ghost-town was out-shined this past weekend. The King, Elvis Presley, was spotted having a margarita at the Starlight bar. Many famous legends have graced the stage there, but now one more name can be added.One bartender stated,"...he was an o.k. tipper". As he drove off into the dust, a few locals noticed his license plate was from Nevada. His plate read '1mElv15'.

    

Elephant in the Big Bend National Park

     While many native species of the Big Bend National Park have fled to find water, one new species has been spotted near the basin. A large male Grey elephant is now frequenting the visitors center. When asked, park officials have suggested that it might have wandered away from a Mexican circus. Guests are being asked not to attempt to ride the beast. A mischievous black bear was recently removed, and a mountain lion was hunted down due to attacking a child. Lets cross our fingers that the new creature stays friendly...bring peanuts.

      Marathon is known for its great homegrown food. This week a 50 lb. tomato was harvested by local backyard farmer Evan Summers. Only organic fertilizer was used to grow this behemoth. Surprisingly, this is not a world record. An Irish grass farmer grew a 110 lb tomato on accident in 1943. Evan plans on canning most of his prized tomato; or tomato, depending how you pronounce it....

      Returning from a retreat in Terlingua, a small bus filled with Nuns came face to face with the bottom of a 12ft deep pothole on I-10, outside Ft. Stockton. As the trail of R.V.'s and snowbirds return north to maybe catch one last snowfall before spring, our highways and byways feel the strain. Road crewman Rod Stevens commented that this is not the first time a large pothole has opened up over night. "I reckon one of them big rigs blew out a tire or something...that probably caused that there." By the grace of God none of the Nuns were injured.