Milk Bone sells for $200,000 on eBay

      Potato chips looking like famous people have sold on eBay for large amounts of cash. Now a local Ft Stockton man has sold a milk bone dog treat for an amazing $200,000. After finding his mini Schnauzer raiding the dog treat cabinet, Mr. John Aptons noticed a gleaming light from the corner of his eye. He reached out for the snack and when the glare disappeared, the cookie bone strikingly resembled the infamous Virgin Mary. Once Mr. Aptons sealed the snack in a Ziploc bag, he ran straight to his eBay account and uploaded a picture. Bids began immediately, and soon rose over the 6 figure amount. Mr Apton wouldn't reveal the name of the buyer,  except mentioning that the buyer was adding to his collection which included, a homer Simpson looking apple, and a Madonna looking wart removed from the foot of an Indian boy.

      A cult of elf-like woman were discovered this weekend by the Big Bend Inquirer investigative team. Rumors of strange happenings in Marathon were being reported every full moon. Our team unearthed some secrets from a x member of the group who wishes to remain anonymous. The elf lady wouldn't blame the cult for the mischief recently in town, but did say the full moon made it easier to see at night for their tiny eyes.

Man comes out of ground after 47 years

      After 47 years in his underground bunker, a Terlingua man finally comes out. In 1965, Jerry Wise buried a shipping container and made it his home. His food rations took up most of the space, although Mr Wise had just enough room for his pet turtle, Fredrick. Until recently, both were doing just fine. Then suddenly the pair came down with a bad case of the sniffles. Being a life long member of the S.P.C.A., Mr. Wise disregarded his own safety, and risked possible nuclear fallout exposure to insure Fredrick's continued good health.

     

       Guinness came to Alpine yesterday after hearing of Clint McMurrys attempt to break the world record for longest bull ride. His record breaking ride lasted 6 hours, 46 minutes, and 8 seconds. Clint was quoted saying ," Dang!!! That was fun!!!! My butt hurts..." Mr. McMurry also holds the world record for skydiving with the most chickens and the fastest oil change on a John Deere.

Gang of Mexican midgets cause bar fight in Presidio

      With crime on the rise along the border, a startling incident at the Iron Horse Bar and Tavern in Presidio adds to local fears. A Mexican gang of midgets, named Los Minis, stormed into the the bar and proceeded to fight amongst themselves. After several minutes of complete chaos, the police were finally called. 7 men were arrested and put in the back of one large police car. Although it was a tight fit, Officer Pittman stated " this limits the risk of escape".

      A recent new resident has turned heads in Marathon. A family of Budweiser Clydesdales has retired downtown. These majestic horses have done things most humans would only dream. Honors include leading a Super Bowl halftime event, a 15 year TV commercial career,  and actually pulling a sled full of beer from St Louis, Mo, to NYC on New Years for the ball drop. The Clydesdale's join the Famous frogs, long time Marathon retirees Bud, Weis, and Er.

Cat has 10 lives!

      If you ask any random Marfan, they all say there is something special about their little town. Now a local stray cat has been found to posses 10 lives. The cat usually hangs out behind the deli, but has been spotted half way to alpine. No one knows if the fuzzy little feline has more in her. It wasn't thought a cat could have more than 9 lives, but this kitty has proved that theory to be incorrect.

      Scientists and a few biologists have confirmed a new species has been found. Hen Egg Mountain rises from the desert floor, off the side of Highway 118 north of  Terlingua. A wild chicken, now named 'terlingus fowlis' or chicken hen as its common name, is only found at the top of the mountain. No one can explain this, yet a similar species was also recently found at the top of Santiago Peak. Biologist Sandy Grey said,"the eggs seem to have no need to be salted".

5-Story Mcdonalds planned for Alpine

     The Alpine McDonalds is a true landmark and soon it will be visible for miles around. Plans have been approved for the remodeling of this iconic burger joint. A four story addition will be added to the existing level, making it the tallest Micky D's in Texas, and third tallest in the U.S. The slide in the famous Play-place will descend from the fifth floor into the parking lot. A two story Ronald McDonald is still being debated by the cities Building dept.

     The Famous Starlight Theater in the Terlingua ghost-town was out-shined this past weekend. The King, Elvis Presley, was spotted having a margarita at the Starlight bar. Many famous legends have graced the stage there, but now one more name can be added.One bartender stated,"...he was an o.k. tipper". As he drove off into the dust, a few locals noticed his license plate was from Nevada. His plate read '1mElv15'.