Voice of Smurfette returns home to Presidio

      A child star returns to his childhood home town in Presidio. The voice of Smurfette, is none other than Manny Domingo. His family has lived here for 100 years and he was raised on the local ranch, until he left for Hollywood. His first job was the voice of a chicken on a T.V. commercial. He was also recently a guest on the Simpsons, playing Marge's second cousin. Manny joins his brother and parents on their same family farm just outside Presidio.

       There is plenty of open space in Terlingua, which is why a new dog food factory is planned for the area. If everything goes as designed, the plant will include 100 acres of dogs used to test the taste of the chow. PETA plans to protest the groundbreaking ceremony, but says it will settle for a guarantee that the dogs will be feed 3 times a day and have a mandatory 5 hour play day to include fetch and Frisbee toss.

Terlingua Sand Castle contest next week

      A sand castle contest will be held next week in Terlingua. Contestants from as far away as Sweden will come and turn Terlingua dirt into palaces of sand. The grand prize will be $10,000, and a trip to the World Cup of Sand Castles. Lacy Stewert, from Jacksonville Beach, Fl said that her whole family has been practicing for this event for 6 months. Her family even spent the night in one of her creations. Good luck to Lacy and all the other sand heads.

       Many events grace the stages in Alpine, and the big top is now in town! The famous  'Circus of One' from Albuquerque NM rolled in to town yesterday and will be having two shows a night for the next three days. The 'Circus of One' was started by Argentinian tight rope walker Abalo Rodriguez. After a series of mysterious events, Abalo was able to take his show on the road with no animals, no clowns, and no fancy assistants. Just a very large, big top tent that was given to him from his father, the Amazing Frederico. What the show will contain is just as mysterious and amazing as the one and only Abalo.

Study shows laundry dries faster in Ft Stockton

      A recent study done by some Sul Ross students concluded that wet laundry dries faster in Ft Stockton. The students did five loads of laundry at different intervals during the day. The drying times were then recorded and calculated. Their results are being measured against national drying times to try and find the optimal drying town. In the past, Ft Stockton has been ranked among the highest in number of yellow roofs per capita and home of the funniest joke.

      A new novel has just been published in Marfa. The 7 page thriller was noted to be the shortest print to date by author Sally Schefield. Copies go on sale at all local book stores next week. Ms. Schefield plans on having a 7 minute book signing, as well as a 7 minute book reading. Following the reading she will also have a 7 minute book release party.

      Rattlesnakes are very common in the area, and on Friday, a 35 footer was shot. Four Terlingua residents were out four wheeling when they were thrown off their ATVs. This occurred after both machines ran over the monster. "we were going pretty fast. i just couldn't stop. It was like a desert speed bump."  Although the snake was shot several times, it slithered away and was not located.

Man comes out of ground after 47 years

      After 47 years in his underground bunker, a Terlingua man finally comes out. In 1965, Jerry Wise buried a shipping container and made it his home. His food rations took up most of the space, although Mr Wise had just enough room for his pet turtle, Fredrick. Until recently, both were doing just fine. Then suddenly the pair came down with a bad case of the sniffles. Being a life long member of the S.P.C.A., Mr. Wise disregarded his own safety, and risked possible nuclear fallout exposure to insure Fredrick's continued good health.

     

       Guinness came to Alpine yesterday after hearing of Clint McMurrys attempt to break the world record for longest bull ride. His record breaking ride lasted 6 hours, 46 minutes, and 8 seconds. Clint was quoted saying ," Dang!!! That was fun!!!! My butt hurts..." Mr. McMurry also holds the world record for skydiving with the most chickens and the fastest oil change on a John Deere.

Cat has 10 lives!

      If you ask any random Marfan, they all say there is something special about their little town. Now a local stray cat has been found to posses 10 lives. The cat usually hangs out behind the deli, but has been spotted half way to alpine. No one knows if the fuzzy little feline has more in her. It wasn't thought a cat could have more than 9 lives, but this kitty has proved that theory to be incorrect.

      Scientists and a few biologists have confirmed a new species has been found. Hen Egg Mountain rises from the desert floor, off the side of Highway 118 north of  Terlingua. A wild chicken, now named 'terlingus fowlis' or chicken hen as its common name, is only found at the top of the mountain. No one can explain this, yet a similar species was also recently found at the top of Santiago Peak. Biologist Sandy Grey said,"the eggs seem to have no need to be salted".

5-Story Mcdonalds planned for Alpine

     The Alpine McDonalds is a true landmark and soon it will be visible for miles around. Plans have been approved for the remodeling of this iconic burger joint. A four story addition will be added to the existing level, making it the tallest Micky D's in Texas, and third tallest in the U.S. The slide in the famous Play-place will descend from the fifth floor into the parking lot. A two story Ronald McDonald is still being debated by the cities Building dept.

     The Famous Starlight Theater in the Terlingua ghost-town was out-shined this past weekend. The King, Elvis Presley, was spotted having a margarita at the Starlight bar. Many famous legends have graced the stage there, but now one more name can be added.One bartender stated,"...he was an o.k. tipper". As he drove off into the dust, a few locals noticed his license plate was from Nevada. His plate read '1mElv15'.

    

Elephant in the Big Bend National Park

     While many native species of the Big Bend National Park have fled to find water, one new species has been spotted near the basin. A large male Grey elephant is now frequenting the visitors center. When asked, park officials have suggested that it might have wandered away from a Mexican circus. Guests are being asked not to attempt to ride the beast. A mischievous black bear was recently removed, and a mountain lion was hunted down due to attacking a child. Lets cross our fingers that the new creature stays friendly...bring peanuts.

      Marathon is known for its great homegrown food. This week a 50 lb. tomato was harvested by local backyard farmer Evan Summers. Only organic fertilizer was used to grow this behemoth. Surprisingly, this is not a world record. An Irish grass farmer grew a 110 lb tomato on accident in 1943. Evan plans on canning most of his prized tomato; or tomato, depending how you pronounce it....

      Returning from a retreat in Terlingua, a small bus filled with Nuns came face to face with the bottom of a 12ft deep pothole on I-10, outside Ft. Stockton. As the trail of R.V.'s and snowbirds return north to maybe catch one last snowfall before spring, our highways and byways feel the strain. Road crewman Rod Stevens commented that this is not the first time a large pothole has opened up over night. "I reckon one of them big rigs blew out a tire or something...that probably caused that there." By the grace of God none of the Nuns were injured.